Where did Key Lime come from? Ten years ago, I had never heard of the stuff. Now, it’s every where: Key Lime Pie, Key Lime yogurt, Key Lime candies. Every freakin’ where. They want us to believe that key limes are different than the normal limes that we see in the grocery store every day, but I’m not buying it.

A quick Google search tells me that Key Lime Pie originated in the <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = “urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags” />Florida Keys in the 1850’s. If that were really the case, don’t you think we would have heard of this confection before 1992? I want to see the proof, man. I want someone to show me a Betty Crocker book from 1850 that has a recipe for Key Lime Pie. I don’t believe it. I’m thinking it’s the bastard child of pre-made graham cracker crust and those suits that Don Johnson used to wear in Miami Vice.

I don’t mind lime green clothes, cars and handbags. I own lime green skirts, sweaters, shirts, and even a lunchbox. I love to match my car and since I bought the beetle I’m just fine with lime green. It’s not the color of Key Lime Pie that bothers me.

Ok, maybe it IS the color that bothers me. Let me tell you. This stuff isn’t food. I opened my key lime yogurt for lunch yesterday and that bright green color just screamed, “I’m not food! Don’t eat me! I’m toxic sludge! I’m anti-freeze! I’m definitely NOT FOOD!” I ate it anyway (3-A-Day, you know).

They tell me that the toxic sludge colored pies aren’t authentic Key Lime Pies, but I swear to you, I’ve never seen a normal Key Lime Pie. They are all fluorescent green. So, until the food manufacturers realize their horrible mistake, I’m avoiding Key Lime everything. Don’t even get me started about Kool-Aid’s Magic Twists!