• Starling Fitness » A Different Kind of Thank You

I know I’m not supposed to blog when I’m angry, but I did anyway. How can Nike be so smug and stupid at the same time?!

It’s funny how a simple picture clicked so quickly can mean so much. Betsy was the only person who got a picture of me right at that time in my life. I’m always on the other side of the camera and I forget that sometimes I need to click a picture of myself in order to keep tabs. I remember seeing that picture in March and thinking that I looked fat. I remember pointing to my upper arms and hoping for better in the future.

Now, I would love to look like that for the rest of my life: upper arm flabbiness and all.

“I want to be the girl with the most cake.”
– Courtney Love

I’m dealing with the green-eyed monster.

SXSW and Vloggercon were incredibly accepting and loving communities. I felt like I was welcomed when I was there. It was a feeling of belonging and community that I haven’t felt since high school. Of course, along came other feelings that used to lurk around during high school.

I’m not the most popular girl.

It’s true. Every community has their celebrities. At SXSW the biggest celebrities were Maggie Mason and Heather Armstrong. I felt like a fan girl actually meeting them and all those feelings of inadequacy of not being the most popular girl came up also.

After SXSW, I remember reading this entry from Maggie and feeling like I was totally out of it again…

We’re at a panel where Jason Fried is talking about “building small.” Nothing too complex. Reduce the feature set as much as possible. Build as little as you can.
I turn around in my seat, and whisper to Amy:
-Behold! I have built nothing.
-Ha! Someone just sent me that exact message over IM.
-Hive mind. (Adopting robot voice.) I-like-your-glass-es.
-I-en-joy-your-graph-ic-tee.
-Where-did-you-find-those-awe-some-Cam-pers?

Suddenly, I felt totally UNcool. I didn’t have any “graphic tees.” My funny little green glasses are rarely worn because contacts work so much better for me and, worst of all, I had NO IDEA what Campers were. I immediately followed the link she provided and found out they were shoes.

It all boils down to shoes with girls…

I didn’t even know what the cool shoes were. That’s how UNcool I was.

(Enter eating disorder, stage left)

Don’t get me wrong. Maggie was so nice when I talked to her at SXSW. She was very friendly and kindly pretended to have read one of my weblogs. She’s not the kind of mega-bitch all of us had to deal with in high school. It really has nothing to do with her, or Heather or even Amanda Congdon. It all has to do with my messed up head. I have some really screwy competition things going on in my head.

The irony is: IT DOESN’T MATTER!!!

Take high school, for example. I was NEVER the girl with the most cake in high school. Every year I ran for office. Every year, I lost. I never once got elected to office. Losing never stopped me, either. I ran for office every time I had a chance. I gave it my all every time and in the end, I never won. That’s my perception of my high school years.

Then I went to my 15 year class reunion and got a different perspective.

I was talking with a table of people that I barely knew, “I ran for office every year and never won.”

The brunette crinkled her brow, “You didn’t? Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure. Failure tends to do that to you.”

“No. You were Treasurer one year, weren’t you?”

“Nope, that year I lost to Araceli Rojas.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

Another person chimed in mentioning class offices that she thought I won. The whole table was convinced that I was among the elite of the school. I was one of the girls who got to wear the special white sweaters with the kelly green highlights. I got to have a “K” on my back and my name embroidered on the pocket. I couldn’t convince them that my experience of high school was anything but privileged.

Who was right? I never won an office, but in the minds of people that I barely knew in high school I was one of the envied ones.

Does it matter that I’m not the girl with the MOST cake? Nope. All that matters is that I bring it, every day.

Time to put down the cake now.

Starling Fitness – 2005 Salt Lake 5K Results

I’m just glad that I didn’t faint in the crush of people finishing the race.

Update 8:29 pm: I’m too chicken to go cold turkey. I decided to take 2 Excedrin when the morning headache comes. I won’t drink any caffeinated beverages, but the Excedrin has caffeine in it. Next week, I’ll lower the dose to 1 Excedrin a day and the week after that I’ll take a half an Excedrin. I just can’t bear to deal with those headaches.

Update 04-12-05 3:17 pm: It took less than a week to wean myself off the caffeine. I was down to a quarter of an Excedrin in the morning. Almost a week later, I had a morning without a headache, so I didn’t take anything. I didn’t realize it until 6pm that night. I was so happy. Now, I’m staying away from all caffeinated products.

This site is where my writing goes: my fiction, my feelings, my ideas, my opinions. If I devote this blog to health and fitness, it’s no longer totally me. The incongruous juxtaposition between a rant about the gym and the next chapter of Looking For Christ is too much for me. I’m not much of a person to compartmentalize, but Health and Fitness is one thing that is getting big enough to take over.

So, Mike and I started Starling Fitness. It’s a daily blog about Health and Fitness. All my entries from here that are pertinent to this subject have been copied over there. If I write something intensely personal there, I’ll mention it here. Mike did all the programming and style sheets for it and he has done an amazing job of it.

I’m really happy how this is all turning out and I am right on schedule for that October finish. I’m just going to talk about it over there instead of here. Hope to see you there!

By the way, if you don’t exercise for a week, she does give you a lecture about consistency. When you start exercising regularly again, she gives you a lot of positive feedback. She has told me two corny jokes. Yesterday, I wasn’t too happy about exercising, so I chose the “You’re lucky I’m here” selection. She responded, “Kind of like my date last night.” This morning, she asked me if I’m always this animated and then said, “I am, get it?” You know… because she’s computer animated… Yeah, I didn’t think they were funny either, but she never tells jokes when I’m exercising. That’s the important thing.

On another note, tomorrow is my second DDR-U2 workout with Sinistar, the editor of DDR4Health, on Xbox Live. We are meeting at 7am Eastern (5am Mountain), so if anyone wants to join us, we have room for two more people. We play the songs on Light for 30 minutes and let the computer choose them at random. I’m excited for this workout. It gives me something to look forward to during the week.

I am really enjoying all the exercise options that are available to me. I still have both gym memberships, but I haven’t used either one in a long time. I’m getting workouts that are just as intense as I would at the gym, but I don’t have to leave the house. I can just hop in the shower afterward and get ready for work. Something about not going to the gym bothers me, though, and it’s not the fact that I’m paying for something that I’m not using.

I think that being at the gym is a positive influence on me because there are people there who are uber-fit. Having someone to look up to and strive to be like is really inspirational. The brown-haired girl from the Bosu Incident could have been one of those people. She was able to perform every exercise that the teacher asked without a flaw. She was really good and really fit, but instead of being a role model, she brought back every junior high nightmare in one vivid flashback. Even though the brown-haired girl isn’t at 24 Hour Fitness, I’m reluctant to go there.

I haven’t worked out the whole gym thing. Maybe the gym isn’t right for me, even though I have found inspiration there. I don’t know the answer to this yet, but I’m still working on it. In the meantime, you’ll find me exercising at the Alpine Resort on Yourself! Fitness. There are no brown-haired girls there. Maya’s my personal trainer and she never makes fun of me.

I joined Weight Watchers January 17, 2002. I remember the day because my life really hasn’t been the same ever since. My habits have drastically changed since that day a month before the winter Olympics. What was I thinking? I joined Weight Watchers right before I went to Hawaii for two weeks. I went to Hawaii. I went to Weight Watchers in a Catholic church in Ka’paa. I lost weight on that trip and I didn’t feel like I missed out on anything Hawaiian. I tried all the food, I just logged it in my food journal.

What was I thinking? I’ll tell you. My friend, Stacey Staley, was looking good. She had always looked good, but she had confessed to me a few months earlier that she was the biggest she had ever been. She was wearing a size 14 and I would have killed to fit my size 24 ass into her fitted slacks. Still, she had been unhappy with her appearance. Several months after her confession, she looked amazing. I mentioned it and she whispered to me, “I didn’t want to tell anyone. I joined Weight Watchers and I’ve lost twenty-five pounds.” I was amazed. She ended up losing forty pounds, getting to goal and earning Lifetime with them.

Two months later, I noticed that my sister (also named Stacey) was getting thinner. She had always been more fit than I was, so it wasn’t amazing to me, but I asked her what she was doing. She confessed to me that she had joined Weight Watchers at work. She said that she really liked that she was able to eat at any restaurant. She said I should come because they were starting a new class at her work in January.

After fighting with every diet on the planet, I was tempted by the freedom to eat anything as long as it fit within my points range. I had tried the Atkins Diet, which ended in a bread binge that lasted for months. I had tried Body For Life, which was abandoned when the program didn’t allow for the pain that a new exerciser was going to feel. I was ready for Weight Watchers.

I knew two people who were looking fabulous because of Weight Watchers, so I joined with my sister’s at work program. I was disgusted with my appearance. I was ready to do whatever they told me to do because whatever they had was working. It worked for Stacey Staley and it worked for my sister. My sister was cut from the same cloth as I was. If it worked for her, it would work for me. I joined blindly and followed all of their rules. Forty-five pounds dropped off me with relative ease.

That’s the glamorous side of my story. I lost forty-five pounds in about four months. It was so easy that I was planning on being at my goal weight within the year. But here we are nearing my three year anniversary, and I’m not at goal yet. For awhile, that was really discouraging for me. I felt like I should be at my goal by now. Even though I had lost all that weight, I felt like I was a failure because I wasn’t at my goal yet. Each month that went by made that goal seem so much further away.

It wasn’t the plan’s fault. It’s not like I was staying within my points range and the weight wasn’t budging. No, I couldn’t blame it on Weight Watchers. My weight loss stagnated because I wasn’t following the program. Sure, I would follow it faithfully for a couple of weeks, but then the binges. I had allowed the bingeing to return to my life. I made excuses just like everyone else does. I could list them right now for you, all the excuses that I made for myself. They sounded so valid when I made them, but now they seem empty, like an abandoned hermit crab’s shell.

So here I am. My butt fits easily into those coveted size 14 jeans. I find myself in the strange situation of being where I wanted to be and finding out that it’s not enough. I know Weight Watchers told me that it was not enough, but back when I started with them, all I wanted was to be as thin as Stacey Staley was when she started. Now, I’m there and I realize they were right. My weight needs to be between 109 and 131 just like the little chart says. Losing forty-five pounds isn’t enough for me anymore.

Last Saturday, I was back on track. Last Saturday, I started Weight Watchers again just like I did back in January of 2002. The only difference is that it is so much easier for me now because I know exactly what to do. What is she thinking? Starting a weight loss program right before Christmas? Why doesn’t she just wait?

Nope. Can’t wait. Not one more minute. Not one more second am I going to wait. I can enjoy Christmas and eat healthy. I know this because I’ve done it for the last two Christmases. I can live like this for the rest of my life because this is the healthy way to go. I have cut the bingeing out of my life. That’s the only thing that I needed to do. I just needed to quit making excuses for the binges. You know the excuses (it’s Christmas, we’re on vacation, we’re camping, it’s a party, it’s the weekend, we’re celebrating, ad infinitum). They are crushed under my feet like that empty hermit crab shell. The shards splinter and spray around me and I am released from them forever.

If I lose at a healthy rate, I will be at my goal by October 1, 2005. That seems so far away, but I refuse to do anything unhealthy and losing faster than one or two pounds a week is not healthy. You’ve seen me do amazing things. I lost the first half of my weight without a glitch. I wrote 50,000 words in my novel in a month. I’ve written almost every day in my blog for over a year. I can do amazing things and this is the next one on my list. I will be at goal by October 1, 2005. This year, I’m going to be a vampire for Halloween and knock your socks off. Hope to see you at the party!

GameBike

Think of it as a huge controller for your console system. It works with PlayStation and they sell an adapter for use on Game Cube or Xbox. Pedaling the bike causes the game to accelerate. According to the documentation, it doesn’t make a difference if you pedal quickly or slowly, you just need to pedal to make it work. I think this would be a great controller to use with Project Gotham Racing. So what if you are pedaling and steering a bike instead of driving a car? It would make all that game time productive.

FP Game Runner

This thing looks like a cheap treadmill connected to a controller. It connects to your computer for first person games with a USB connector. It doesn’t work with any of the current gaming systems (computer only). When I saw it, I thought to myself, “Hmm… I could take apart a normal controller and solder the connections to a cheap treadmill from the thrift store.” I wouldn’t recommend this item because it is so expensive. For that kind of money, you could get a heavy duty treadmill from Nordictrack that goes up to 30% incline at 10 mph.

KiloWatt

It’s another huge monster controller for your console system. It is compatible with Xbox and PlayStation. This is a strength training machine. It is meant to build upper body strength, but the FAQ state that you will notice improvement in your quads as well. Apparently, it’s a huge machine that you manipulate instead of pushing buttons. I wasn’t interested in this one as much because it’s so colossal.

The Journey to Wild Divine

This is not an active game. It’s a biofeedback tool to help you meditate. I thought it was really interesting since getting me to calm down is nearly impossible. I keep thinking that I’ll learn to relax someday. When I saw this, I thought, “Maybe then I could relax.” I keep trying to buy relaxation instead of realizing that the best thing I could do is just complete some projects and write some chapters. This program looked cool, though.

Even though all of these things look like they aren’t quite ready for prime time, what sets my mind afire is the idea that they are the start of a wave of exercise gaming options. I can imagine a future where every house has a gaming machine that attaches to their game console. It works cardio and strength training and makes the games exciting and challenging on an entirely different level. Of course, I could always just go outside and play like my grandma always used to say…

I picked up Yourself! Fitness a couple of weeks ago. I have really enjoyed exercising with Dance Dance Revolution Ultramix on my Xbox, so I thought that this game might be interesting. I had no idea how much I would like it.

The game starts out with the typical warnings about seeing a doctor before starting any workout routine. You can’t skip the warnings, so you will have them memorized if you use this game regularly. There was also a pretty impressive demo video that came up. I’ve seen it only once because I skipped it every time afterward.

When you start up, you can choose to workout with a guest pass or sign up as a member. When you sign up, you tell her your name, do some simple exercises and tell her your age and weight. This gives the personal trainer, Maya, an idea of how hard to push you. It’s really helpful to have a heart rate monitor during this phase because counting your heart beats after two minutes of jumping jacks is a little difficult. More than one person can use this program and sign up as members, which is really cool if there is another health-conscious person in your home.

You don’t need to buy equipment, but if you have a heart rate monitor, hand weights, flexibility ball, or aerobic step, the trainer will work those items into your workouts (giving you greater variety). Since I workout on a hardwood floor, it was helpful to also have a yoga mat for kneeling and other exercises that are performed on the floor.

Before your workout starts, you get to choose quite a few settings such as the length of workout (15, 30, 45 or 60 minutes), the accompanying music (Hip Hop, Eighties, Latin, etc.), the workout environment (What the workout space looks like) and which equipment you want to use today.

The best part of the personal trainer is you can tell her how you’re feeling, whether a workout was hard or easy and how often you want to work out. She doesn’t have a sense of humor, so she won’t tell any silly jokes or make fun of you if you need to stop the workout every minute to learn how to do the moves. If you tell her you want to work out for thirty minutes every day, she doesn’t chide you when you ask for a fifteen minute workout. When you’ve missed for a couple of days, she doesn’t reproach you for your absence. I was really scared that she would say something like, “Long time, no see.” It’s amazing, she isn’t programmed to be mean.

The cool thing about when you’re doing an exercise routine is the tutoring section. When I try to do workout videos, it bugs me if I can’t do the steps. It also bugs me when they spend too much time explaining it. If I’ve played a workout video a few times, I’ll learn the step and then all I’m left with is the vague irritation because the teacher keeps trying to teach me. With Maya, she doesn’t explain the move. You have to go to the tutoring section to learn the move. The game stops the workout while you learn the move and then starts it over at the point where you left it when you return from learning. The first couple of times, I stopped it over and over to learn the moves. Now, I know the moves and we just do them when they come up without irritating explanation.

You can do a yoga workout in the “Meditation Garden.” That is strictly a yoga workout and doesn’t really count toward your workout goals. If you choose a Flexibility workout, it will give you some aerobic workout with yoga moves at the end.

One unfortunate thing is when you stop or cancel a workout or meditation garden, it counts the workout as completed. I didn’t read the directions before I popped in the game and didn’t know what “Meditation Garden” meant, so I started it. Now, Maya thinks I’ve done one more workout than I really did, even though I stopped the workout within seconds of starting it.

There are so many cool details that I just love about this game/workout. Maya’s clothes change from day to day. I don’t know why I like that, but seeing her in different workout outfits makes her more real to me. The visual details in the workout environments are surprising and enjoyable. For example, when I’ve worked out with the Urban Oasis environment, there is a cool helicopter that flies by the building every few minutes. The music is not irritating and has very little vocals, so I haven’t been bothered by it at all (unlike Project Gotham, where I was turning off the music after just a few races). Additionally, you can adjust the volume of Maya’s voice, the music and the sound effects for the workout environment.

I don’t care for workout videos. I’m the kind of person who memorizes things and when I get something into my head, I’ll repeat it over and over. Workout videos get played so many times that I end up memorizing every stupid joke that was said and every misstep. This “game” however is different every time. After two weeks of regular use, I haven’t had any duplication.

As far as difficulty, it is really hard for me to complete a workout and I’ve had to cut them back to no more than 15 minutes with her because I was really hurting after each one. I’m sure I’ll be able to work back up to more time each day, but right now, she’s really kicking my butt.

Would I recommend buying it? Yes! I hate workout videos, so this thing is the perfect option for me. I get the total body workout that I would get at the gym without having to go to the gym, figure out weird machinery or watch irritating videos over and over. I want this “game” to be only the first in a wave of fitness games. Hopefully, the next one will use the dance pad from DDR so that the personal trainer can tell if I’m doing the workout or not.