When it’s going to rain in Salt Lake City, the air smells of dead brine shrimp. When you visit The Great Salt Lake, it smells like that all the time. Lots of people hate that smell. They call it “Lake Stench.” I’ve grown up equating that smell with rain, so I like it.

People look at you funny when you tell them that you like the scent of Lake Stench. It’s socially unacceptable here to like the smell of The Great Salt Lake. When they complain about the smell, I just keep my opinions to myself now.

I hear people talking about the smell of the ocean all the time. Before I was familiar with the ocean, I used to imagine that it smelled like The Great Salt Lake. I told my friend from Florida this and she retorted, “No way! This smells nothing like the ocean! The ocean smells clean! This smells like…” She paused to think of the right word, “…garbage.”

The stench of The Great Salt Lake smells clean to me. The wind blows over the lake right before the rain storm, bringing the scent of dead brine shrimp and soon after, the rain starts. The rain washes the city clean and dissipates the smell. I guess it’s just what I’ve grown to love about this city.

I saw Star Wars Episode III. I’m apalled that the man who created Princess Leia could write Padme. He made her so weak and spineless. Princess Leia would have ended that mess fifteen minutes into the movie.

There were plenty of other inconsistencies in the movie, but I am willing to forgive them. What I can’t forgive Lucas for is turning Padme into a weak and submissive character. I think of the little girls all over the nation playing Star Wars.

“You have to be Padme.”

“I don’t want to be Padme.”

“You have to be Padme. You’re the only girl.”

“She doesn’t get to do anything. Can’t I be R2-D2? R2 kicks ass!”

“You’d rather be a droid than a girl?”

“I’d rather be a droid than Padme.”

Considering how agressive women can get when they are pregnant, Padme should have taken him out with a kitchen knife in his sleep. Anakin wouldn’t have had a chance to go to the dark side.

There are a couple of ways to say nothing. One is to say nothing. Another is to say a lot of nothing. Monkey Jabber. Small Talk. My, isn’t the weather nice? What did you do last night? Where did you get that shirt? Did you watch that show last night? Have you heard the new song? Did you hear about our colleague? My answers are inconsequential and ignored. They just fill the air with words hiding my true self.

I’ve experienced enough monkey jabber for a lifetime. It feels good to just sit in silence sometimes. I find it shockingly reassuring. After listening to the never-ending jabber for so long and being expected to respond to it, I am happy to smile politely in the quiet that has been given to me.

Whatever you’re doing right now is not important. Right now, go click on this link and start reading Gossamer Commons. I’ve linked you to the start of the story.

Gossamer Commons – by Eric A. Burns and Greg Holkan

Eric writes the story line and Greg does the artistry. I can already tell it’s going to be a story that you want to read. If you like my weblog, you’re going to love reading Gossamer Commons. What are you doing still reading this entry? I told you to go read Gossamer Commons…

Last Friday, I had a dream about Disney. All the old Disneyland rides of yesteryear were on a tour. It was like a traveling carnival. They had a Candyland ride that I remembered vividly in my dream, but now just seems foreign to me. They had Mission to Mars. I remember thinking that Disney was genius to do this because the rides in Disneyland were useless, but moving around the country in a carnival to small towns, they were incredibly valuable.

Unfortunately, they were horribly executed. The employees didn’t have “Disney faces” at all. They didn’t run the rides professionally. I decided to go on Mission to Mars again because I thought maybe they would be more professional the second time, but they weren’t. Instead, I was stuck on the ride while two of the employees were flirting and laughing with each other. I was stuck for forty-five minutes until I finally said, “I want out of here!” The whole thing felt like a huge disappointment to me and I just wanted to go home. Stacey had been talking to a vendor whose boyfriend (who worked on Mission to Mars) had dumped her. I just wanted to leave.

I think if Disney kept their old rides and put them on a carnival tour they could probably squeeze out a few more dollars from them, but I don’t think it’s a good idea. I’ve never said this before, but sometimes it’s good that they go. Sometimes the rides are dated and no longer of interest except for nostalgia. Sometimes they are so dated that the jokes don’t make sense anymore.

For example, think about Mission to Mars. No one wants to see that ride again (ok, that’s a lie, nostalgia plays big with some people, but stay with me here). The animatronics would look silly. The joke about the albatross flopping into the radar, setting off alarms makes no sense in a post-Cold War world. It was a ride that needed to go, just like Adventure Through Inner Space.

I loved Adventure Through Inner Space, but it was an artifact. Back in the early sixties, we thought science was going to cure all our ills. That ride really exemplified that concept. Now, that idea is true, mostly, but we don’t think it’s that neat anymore. Sure, science cures diseases and makes our life easier, but more and more, we are learning that some things in their natural state are far better than the chemically altered versions. Like food, we thought that food would be perfected by science to make us healthy, but it didn’t turn out that way. Big companies have been chemically altering food to taste really good, but it’s not healthier for us. The ride was slightly educational, but it’s more about a commercial for Monsanto. It had to go.

It’s the same for The House of the Future. Who knew that houses would look about the same as they did back then? Sure, we have better insulation and better electrical wiring, but nothing beats the rambler/cottage style house. Not even a plastic house on stilts.

I have been spending so much time lamenting Yesterland because those old rides remind me of when I was a ten year old girl, going to Disneyland for the first time, but they really don’t make sense anymore. I’m glad that Disney keeps updating Disneyland. I would gladly sacrifice both Rocket Rods and the People Movers for the Buzz Light Year ride. Sometimes, what they replace it with is not as good as what used to be there, but they figure it out pretty quickly. Why they haven’t realized how lame Innoventions is, I have no clue.

My heart is breaking. So many sad secrets on the screen. I want to pat each person on the head and whisper, “There, there…”

“Is that that Secret thing?” Mike asks, peeking at my computer screen.

I nod. “Yeah, Braidwood posted about it on her blog.”

I try to think of a happy secret that I harbor that I could send in to offset so much sadness. I can’t think of any happy secret that I may have. I can barely think of a secret that I hide. So much of my life is posted here in naked honesty…

Ok, that’s a lie. Here’s one secret that I haven’t shared:

I know you’re reading this. It’s why I haven’t wanted to write here in a long time.

Via: Yes, please! – PostSecret – by Braidwood

Just a quick note to tell you that I’m still alive and very happy right now. My head is full of all the new things that I’m learning. My fingers have been happily typing for Starling Fitness, so if you miss me, you can hear from me there. I will join you again just as soon as I am completely proficient at my new job.

Love ya!

I wrote a detail entry about my race results at the Salt Lake 5K on Starling Fitness. You can see it here:

Starling Fitness – 2005 Salt Lake 5K Results

I’m just glad that I didn’t faint in the crush of people finishing the race.

He is antsy and fidgeting. “I think we should go to the theater so we can get seats together.”

The other two nodded in agreement. The voice of reason speaks out through her voice, “We already have our tickets. We’re going to get into the movie.”

The other two shake their heads, but he’s the one who responds, “Science Fiction movies make all their money in the first two days. We have to get there early so we’ll be able to sit together.”

The three of them are so uptight about getting to the theater early that I start feeling anxious about being able to get seats together. By the time we arrive, I am so worked up that I am rushing into the theater to save seats for our large crew.

The theater was empty…

I’m sure Douglas Adams would have thought it hilarious.

The movie was great. Go see it. I liked it better than the books. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, check out these sites:

Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia – The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

The Internet Movie Database – The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy Official Movie Website

When he walked into the empty theater, he was visibly surprised. “Must be a remote theater,” was his justification…

I had a trip to San Diego planned before I got laid off. When I got a job so quickly, I was still able to go on my trip. We visited Braidwood, Matt Strebe and Chuck Perkins while we were there. We haven’t gone to San Diego since they moved down there and it was a trip long overdue.

While we were there, we went to Disneyland. I can’t make a trip to Southern California without worshipping at the altar of the Haunted Mansion. It would go against everything that I am. Here is what I learned this trip to Disneyland:

Other people really don’t want to hear about Walt Disney’s old apartments in Disneyland or other nerdy details that Mike and I have learned over the years.

The Winnie the Pooh ride is the scariest ride in Disneyland. It’s scarier than Big Thunder. It’s scarier than the Matterhorn and its abominable snowman. It’s scarier than Space Mountain. Timothy Leary with a budget couldn’t have made a scarier ride.

The new Buzz Lightyear ride ROCKS!! You get to shoot and control the ship and it keeps score! I thought that the guns and ship control were non-working things that would make the kids happy, but they really work! Most importantly, the ride keeps score so you can kick your friend’s butt.

Speaking of Disneyland with kids, it’s way better than just going alone as an adult. The first day, we went with the Strebe family and it was so fun to see his children enjoy Disneyland for the first time. It was almost as if I were experiencing it for the first time.

Anyone can eat at the Blue Bayou restaurant. All you need to do is make a reservation. It’s the restaurant that is in the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. I used to think that it was a private club or something, but the entrance is right there in New Orleans Square. You can just go up to the Cast Member and put your name on the list. They will tell you when you can come back. Next time, I’m going to go there first thing to get a reservation right at lunch time. The prices were really reasonable and the service was excellent. We watched the pirate boats float by in the dark ambiance. I felt so privileged to eat there.

Innoventions is LAME! Don’t waste your time in there. You won’t learn about any new things. I can totally visualize how to fix it, but I’m not an Imagineer, so I really shouldn’t waste my energy on it.

It’s easy to drop serious money at Disneyland and that doesn’t even include the price of admission. I could have spent more, but Mike drew a line at the Haunted Mansion model home.

We had a lot of fun in San Diego. It was great to see our friends in their element. Whenever we’ve seen them over the last five years or so, they have been visiting family in Salt Lake and we feel lucky to see them for a couple of hours. This visit, we were consciously visiting them, so we got to see them every day. It felt really good to get that much face time. Can’t wait to go back!

I was offered a job today at a different firm. I’m really excited about this position because I will be doing work that is a lot more technical than what was asked of me before. I feel so lucky to have a job so quickly.

It only took a week! Yeah!

This job is going to take a lot of my brain power, especially at first, so I might not log in here too often. I will try to keep you updated regularly, but I have to focus on learning the new ropes.

Pawit greets us as if we were family. He remembers our names. I’ve seen him hug other patrons, but it’s as if he knows our boundaries. We’re not a hugging family, so he doesn’t hug us.

The food is amazing. I order Num Tok every time. I love the spicy beef and sticky rice. Sometimes it’s a little too hot for me; sometimes it’s not hot enough. It’s kind of like a random roulette wheel. Even though I order the same thing, I never know what I’m going to get.

Stacey, Dan, Mike and I meet there for dinner about every other week. Even though Thai Garden has been in business for less than a year, it feels like home and I look forward to going there.

Back in December, Salt Lake City Weekly reviewed them favorably and business picked up substantially, but Pawit always takes the time to say hi to us and remember my favorite dish. Sometimes, I think I go there just because I need a smiling face and happy words. There are times when those things are more important than food.

Thai Garden – 4410 South 900 East – 266-7899 Lunch & Dinner Monday-Saturday

“Why bother seeing the world for real?” That’s the tagline for this enjoyable website. Thanks to Google Satellite Maps, we can see the world from an entirely different perspective. I talked about this before when I typed in the address to my childhood home, but this website concentrates on sites that we have seen from perspectives other than the satellite view.

Google Sightseeing

Imagine what The Las Vegas Strip would look like from outer space. What about the Hollywood Sign? How about the Rainbow Bridge in Southern Utah? All of these sites look vastly different from above.

The catchy tagline stating, “Why bother seeing the world for real?” misses the point. I feel as if I’m seeing the world for the first time…

I had a pretty hard weekend. No matter how I look at it, being laid off feels like a rejection and a loss. Severance pay, unemployment insurance and COBRA don’t deal with the real pain when someone is laid off. Rejection is hard to swallow, even when they tell you that they didn’t want to reject you. Loss is hard to accept, even when they tell you that they didn’t want to lose you.

I took a whirlwind tour of the five stages of loss: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I think it was so fast for me because I wrote constantly all weekend long: pages and pages in my personal journal working through it. I think I spent the longest time on bargaining thinking, “Maybe if I had done this…” or “Maybe if I hadn’t done that…” or “Maybe I should have been clearer about this…”

The only truth that I know with a capital “K” is that they didn’t need two secretaries. I was very grateful for the time that I had there. I learned a lot and I found it a restful place to work. That is the only truth that I know and can prove, so that is all I’m going to concentrate on.

Plus, it’s amazing what a few good job interviews can do for my outlook.

I’m about halfway through the first season of the television show Popular. I am so out of it as far as television is concerned. I never heard of this show when it was on the air. I haven’t watched live television for months on end, so when Amazon.com recommended this television show to me, I jumped. Television shows are perfect for exercising with.

Every morning I jump on the treadmill, eager to see what is going to happen next. If you read the description for this series on Amazon, you might think it’s either a fluffy teen drama or a hard look at teen issues. I can’t tell you about either of those things. I don’t know what teen issues are like today. I can’t tell you if this series would be entertaining to teens.

I have a hard time describing this series. There are times when its goofy level is so high that I’m cringing at the silly costumes. It is very stylized, so it’s separated from reality. The cinematography is beautiful. The actors and actresses look like models. On the other hand, it feels raw and sore, like an open wound. It is brutally honest. These characters feel like shockingly real people.

The way this series is marketed is misleading. Given the description, you may think that this show is about the dichotomy of the Popular kids and the Alternative kids. Not so. This show is about the Popular kids and the Almost Popular kids. The Unnoticed kids are almost unnoticed in this series. There is a beautiful scene where the Chess Club are interviewing the Homecoming Queen candidates. One member asks the beautiful blonde cheerleader what his name is and she is unable to answer. The two groups that are the focus of this series, however, are not members of the Unnoticed.

So, every day I have been eagerly jumping on the treadmill to see what is going on with the students of Kennedy High School. Why? I just told you that the premise of the series is flawed, the goofy situations border on federal crime, and the stylization of it all makes it have a surreal effect. But just when I think it can’t be goofier, someone will say something that is so true that it punches me in the gut. Just when I notice something superficial, something will happen that makes me suck in a shocked breath of air. In essence, the writing is really good.

Alone – 04-12-05 – Laura Moncur

Thought I’d try my hand at drawing with the computer. I prefer paper.

I hate tax day…

Looking at it from a completely logical standpoint, it makes sense. They didn’t need two secretaries. They didn’t need two secretaries when they hired me. I understand it logically, but it still feels like a kick in the gut.

I’ve spent most of the day updating my resume and getting my paperwork in order. I’ve applied for three jobs already. They laid me off at 10:30 am this morning and I spent the rest of the day getting things in order.

I have been taking typing tests so I can prove how fast I am, but Utah Department of Workforce Services no longer provides the verifiable tests, so I have been testing myself on TypingMaster Online Test. I’ve got 65 wpm with 96% accuracy (net speed 63 wpm). I’ve got the email from them to prove it. I hope it’s enough for potential employers.

I knew that I was unneeded. I could have gone out looking for a job where I was challenged and appreciated, but I really liked working for them. I decided that I would stay there as long as they would keep me. Well, they laid me off today.

Drawing pictures with a mouse on the computer is a foreign experience to me. Every time I try it, I end up with uncomfortable squiggly lines. I just haven’t taught my hand to draw with a mouse like I have with a pencil or pen.

I usually just end up drawing the picture on paper and scanning it into the computer. That’s how a lot of artists who post their work online do it. Others have those tablet things that let you draw on them like you would on paper and it inputs right into the computer. They even come in shocking white to match your Mac (not a good idea for me considering how much food I eat by my computer).

Braidwood has been teaching herself how to draw on the computer with a mouse and I am so pleased with how quickly she is progressing. Every picture she posts is substantially better than the previous one. I saw this entry a couple days before my birthday and it made me so happy:

Yes, please! – Birthday Wish – by Braidwood

I imagined that sweet pink frosting was mine and there was someone willing to light that many candles for me. There is a warm glow from the fire and I need to suck up all my breath to get them out in one blow.

“You always have the same purse. I don’t think you’ve ever carried a different one.”

I was talking to BJ. At the time, we were both still real estate agents. We were coming back from a long lunch in which we avoided prospecting. She always spoke in exclamation points, even when she was calm.

“Are you kidding?! This is a Louis Vuitton! Well, not a real Louis Vuitton, my sister-in-law got me this in New York. Haven’t you ever heard of Louis Vuitton?!”

I hadn’t. I shook my head and shrugged. She wasn’t happy with that admission.

“Well, this is a famous designer purse. Well, not this one because it’s a knock-off, but the real thing goes for like a thousand dollars.”

She huffed and picked up her very famous purse and once again, I felt out of it. I felt like the day I got into junior high and learned that blue jeans were not enough. I should have been wearing Levis 501 Button Fly Blue Jeans. (Continue Reading…)

I forgot to mention that it’s my birthday today. My loyal readers remembered and have been wishing me happy birthday on my previous post. Thanks, guys!

Last year, I talked about how important my birthday is to me. If you missed it the first time around, feel free to browse.

• My Birthday (Part 1 of 2)

• My Birthday (Part 2 of 2)

I’m having a great birthday this year. Thank you to everyone who has wished me well. May it come back to you threefold.

I used to live at 4505 South White Cherry Way in West Valley, Utah. My parents moved to West Valley in the middle of third grade and I stayed in that home until I married Mike. My mom sold that house several years ago, so it’s off limits to me now. A nice young family lives there now, embedding more happy memories into its walls.

My friend, Sceverenia, lived just down the street, also on White Cherry Way. Her parents sold their house and moved down south to Fairview a few years ago. I think about their house a lot and I keep dreaming about it. When we were teenagers, we used to beep our horns when we drove past each others’ houses. “Hello!” the horn would say.

To this day, Mike’s family still lives on Palmer Drive. I tell him how lucky he is that his parents still live in the house that he grew up in. We visit every few Sundays. Sometimes after the weekend visit, we drive past my old home on White Cherry. They wrapped the bushes out front with “Caution” tape for the winter. The three little bushes look like tiny murder scenes with all that yellow tape. I refrain from beeping past Scev’s house. It’s vacant and the real estate sign taunts me, “Your childhood is up for sale…AGAIN.”

Google Maps just added satellite images to their Maps feature. To this day, I use the old West Valley address when I test things. When I typed it in, I felt the rush of it all. There’s my house. There’s Scev’s house. There’s Mike’s house. There’s the house that Matt Strebe lived in when his mom was married to Bud. There’s Mike Pinkston’s house. There’s Chuck’s house. There’s Dylan’s house. There’s Kennedy Junior High. There’s Academy Park Elementary. There’s Hunter Elementary. There’s the Circle K where Scev and I sluffed school for the first time. There’s the Holiday Oil where Pinkston blocked my Beetle with his huge Ford 450 so I couldn’t leave. My whole life was in that one square. My world was that small.

Ironically, the largest single lot of land in the square is the cemetery…

Lake Mead, Nevada 04-01-05

I just found this website Sci Fiction that has a collection of short stories online. Some of them are ok, but I have just finished an amazing one.

SciFi.com – Vanishing Act – by E. Catherine Tobler

It’s the story of a circus freak who is unexpectedly given a new roommate. What appears to be a young girl with an ethereal glow is a visitor that will teach him the importance of going home. The voice of Rabi, Vanquisher and Vanisher Extraordinaire, is so simple that he drew me in without realizing how complicated he would be.

Good readin’!

The haunting circus music of Smokey Robinson floats past her desk over to mine. I can’t hear anything else but the lilting organ. Smokey’s voice is obliterated by the ambient noise of the office. I am suddenly tempted to turn the music on my phone so I can hear Smokey sing, but I hold back. Then she’ll think that I actually like the Lite Music styling of FM 100.

I just finished reading this short story. It’s so perfect and complete. It fits together like a wooden puzzle.

Scifi.com – Hell Notes – by M.K. Hobson

It’s about a man who stumbles into a Chinese Buffet for the dead. His descriptions of the delicious and disgusting food are vivid, enticing and revolting. God, I love food porn!

Via: Boing Boing

I have been laughing so hard that tears are brimming in my eyes, threatening to escape!

Emotion Eric

Check out this website! I really needed this!

Via: little. yellow. different. Thanks, Ernie!

I’ve been writing so much for Starling Fitness that I feel that I don’t know how to write for anything else. I read blogs and try to glean something from them for Starling Fitness. It’s what I used to do for this weblog, but I haven’t quite mastered how to think for two subjects at once, especially since I can write about whatever I want here.

In the words of Mr. O’Neill, Daria’s English Teacher, “Sometimes boundaries paradoxically free our minds.” I have clearly defined boundaries for Starling Fitness. I have been hired to write about fitness, health, weight loss, and fitness gadgets. If it doesn’t fall into that category, it doesn’t go on Starling Fitness. Here, though, I have no boundaries. I can write about anything. So, when I see that it’s time to write an entry for this weblog, I sit looking at the empty page.

Or worse, write about not being able to write…

Spontaneous. We’re always trying to be it because there is so little true spontaneity in our lives. When we found out that I was going to be sent home early on Thursday and that I would have Friday off, we decided to take a spontaneous trip to Lake Mead.

The packing was not a problem. I have camping down to a science with a checklist especially formulated to our type of camping and our equipment. I wasn’t having trouble with the packing. That took about two hours to get everything ready and into the Golf.

The car was not a problem either. Mike had just had the Golf inspected. He had the oil changed just a few weeks ago. The tires are new and the windshield wipers have been replaced. The car was just as ready to go camping as the equipment.

The dog wasn’t a problem either. We got him into Abraxas kennel with a quick phone call. “Hi, April. I’m wondering if there is room for Sid to stay there until Monday of next week.” “We always have room for Sid.” Even if they couldn’t take him, we could have brought him to Lake Mead with us.

The problem was me. It was so hard for me to be spontaneous. I felt like I was making a bad decision by deciding to just pick up and leave. I left the dirty dishes in the sink. I left the paperwork on the table. I left the dirty sheets on the bed. I left the laundry undone and waiting for me. All of those chores are still there for me, waiting. I felt guilty for leaving on the spur of the moment because I missed camping over the winter.

As it turned out, it was a great trip. We took a hike on a trail that we had never touched before. We set up camp in the dark and collapsed on our inflatable mattress. It was cold at night, but not nearly as cold as the Wasatch Mountains in the summer. Mike had some work to do, but he got online right there at the campsite and finished up his work for the weekend. This spontaneous thing might actually be a good idea.

In December of 2003, we got hit with a massive snow storm. All of us were buried under three or four feet of snow. My little Beetle got stuck in the middle of the road right in front of my house. I talked about it briefly when it happened.

What I didn’t tell you was about my neighbors. Rick, next door, and the guy down the street helped Mike and I push the Beetle into the driveway. Once it was there, it stayed there for two days. My tires were so bald that I knew that I would get stuck again if I ventured out. I already appreciated Rick for all the things he did when we moved in, but the guy down the street was a new Samaritan for me. After that day, that guy down the street was top on my list.

We invited him to our Halloween party, but he didn’t come. He has a cat named Spumoni that is a fat calico that comes over and eats the cat food that Rick leaves out for his feral cat that won’t come into his house. The guy down the street has a son with a wreck of a car that was parked in front of his house. He was scared that someone would call the city on him and asked us not to. It didn’t even occur to us.

He’s kind of a scruffy guy. Sometimes he talks to people in cars. They drive up, they talk and they drive off. We live on a dead end, so it’s easy to notice those things when they happen. I sometimes wonder if he’s a drug dealer, but I have a hard time reconciling my concept of a drug dealer with the guy who pushed my Beetle into the driveway and has a cat named Spumoni.

The other day, I saw him talking to someone in a car. The person in the car handed him something and drove away. The neighbor noticed me and waved, raising the hand that held the package from the car. He waved at me with a DVD of The Incredibles. I felt silly for ever thinking he could be a drug dealer.

Many Footsteps – Laura Moncur – 03-27-05

The sky is so blue today. The snow that came down yesterday is melting. It’s not all gone yet. The spot where they piled the snow after shoveling is still lumpy and melting. There are bits of snow still on the roof of the building across the parking lot. The shingles around the snow are dark with the water. The cars are zipping along the freeway quicker than they were yesterday at this time. Such is spring in Utah. Yesterday, it was a snow storm, today it’s a run-off. It would be hard to live in a land where there was only one season.

I’m feeling like Andy Rooney today. I want to complain about fast food restaurants that have two radios playing at once. The worst offender is the Pizza Hut by our house. There is official music playing on the overhead speakers and the music that the employees want to hear blasting from a boom box in the back. I don’t mind the official music. I actually prefer the employee’s music, but I CANNOT stand both at the same time.

If they would just turn off the official music, I could listen to their music. If the manager came down on them and made them turn off the boom box, then I could listen to the Official Pizza Hut Programming. Listening to both at once just makes me want to kill something.

On my morning runs, I watch DVDs on the television in front of the treadmill. I’m training for a 5K right now (see Starling Fitness for more info), so I’m watching a lot of movies and old television that has been released on DVD. Netflix is my new best friend.

Despite all my dabbling with Pagan religion and Earth-Centric religions, I have never seen the movie, The Craft. It seemed like a horror movie with the underlying theme of, “Don’t play with things you know nothing about.” After seeing it, I have to say, “Man, those Goth girls looked cool!” It seems like that’s what the movie was about: look how hot these Goth girls are.

Then again, there is a strange earthiness to the movie. Everything that the witchy store owner said matched Pagan philosophy. Some of the rituals were very authentic. Each of the girls represented one of the major elements (Earth, Air, Water, and Fire). The movie felt very genuine in its research into Wicca.

On one hand, it felt like a movie written by the male view of women as power holders. Some men view women as unattainable goddesses who hold the keys to the sexual universe. This is a dangerous mindset because women are human, just like men are. We can’t live our lives on a pedestal. Life is too messy. Menstruation alone is messy enough to push the most pedestal-worthy woman off.

On the other hand, it felt like a movie written by the female view of nature as a balance between good and evil. The concept that everything that you do comes back to you three-fold is addressed in the movie (although the consequences of their actions are only touched upon). The idea that nature is beautiful and nasty is mentioned several times.

The entire movie felt like a tug of war between these masculine and feminine ideals. Sure, it was a cheap horror flick with a taste of slasher revenge, but underlying it was a struggle between the female and the male, and isn’t that what life’s about?

You know what I haven’t read about lately? Ectoplasm. It was the stuff that was supposed to be the leftovers of ghostly presences. It was the materialization of the spirit form. As a child, reading about ghosts, I remember seeing pictures of ectoplasm. They were presented very much like this website does. The Haunted Museum – Ectoplasm! Fraud or Phantasm? – by Troy Taylor

When Ghost Busters came out, ectoplasm was green gunk. “He slimed me,” was a catch phrase that I still hear people saying to this day, usually in connection with children. It’s not like there were spiritual mediums producing bright green ectoplasm out of their body orifices. The movies did it for us and much better.

I haven’t read or even heard the word ectoplasm in so long that I almost miss it. Is there some cool computer thing that we can name ectoplasm? Maybe it could be some Blue Tooth enabled surgically installed headset or maybe some method of installing small computer within our hands or fingers. Computer Ectoplasm… yeah, I’m ready for some of that…

VS.

I love to watch movies and their remakes head to head. We did it with Ocean’s Eleven. I never told you, but we did it with The Italian Job. We never got around to going head to head with the two versions of The Thomas Crowne Affair. I’ve got a new one to try out: Alfie.

Ever since his portrayal of Gigolo Joe in A.I., I’ve had a soft spot in my heart for Jude Law. I saw the advert for the movie, Alfie, and thought, “Hey, I think the modern world is finally ready for a story about a womanizing man played by Jude Law. I think he could actually pull it off.” I logged onto Netflix and typed the word “Alfie.”

To my surprise, Michael Caine joined Jude Law and I almost clapped my hands! My old friend Michael Caine! In 1966, he starred in a movie called, strangely enough, Alfie. He played a man who never met a woman he didn’t love. Sound familiar?

As soon as they make it to the top of my Netflix Queue, it sounds like we’re in for another head to head battle between Jude Law and Michael Caine. My bets are on Michael Caine. No one can womanize like late 60’s Michael Caine. I know, because I saw the original version of The Italian Job.

Now, I just have to convince Michael, Dan and Stacey that four hours on the couch watching movies is actually worth it…

Spring in Utah – Laura Moncur – 03-25-05