A Drunken Moment in the Las Vegas Hilton Hotel room.

“Hey, don’t throw those away.”

“Why not?”

“I’m savin’ ’em for Bert.”

“Bert?”

“Yeah, they’re not as good as Figgy Fizz, but I think he’d like them.”

“Oh, BERT…”

“Yeah, he’d be all like ‘Z’ and ‘N’.”

“No more Zima for you.”

That night I realized that I can never meet Bert or Ernie. They are IMAGINARY. I can’t go to Sesame Street and give Bert the bottlecaps I’ve been saving for him over the years because he doesn’t exist. The little girl inside of me is really sad about that.