Pick Me!

A weblog by Laura Moncur


Scone Dog

Filed under: Calvin Hardcastle,Personal History — Laura Moncur @ 7:11 am

SconecutterIn the eighties, the suburbs of Salt Lake City didn’t have much of a culinary selection after midnight. If you didn’t want to sit in a greasy spoon, you were relegated to Sconecutter. My, this story needs a lot of explaining. Scones in Utah are nothing like scones in Great Britain. In fact, I think a place like Sconecutter would do well anywhere if the rest of the world would just redefine the word scone. In Utah, a scone is fried bread. Think of it as a hush puppy without the cornmeal.

Sconecutter serves savory and sweet scones. The scone itself is a rectangle approximately four inches by six inches by two inches, cut in half lengthwise (thus the name, Sconecutter). They will make them into sandwiches for you or slather them with honey butter. As if the scones weren’t abominations themselves, they also serve Scone Burgers, which are pretty self-explanatory, and Sconuts, which are scones that are frosted like donuts. Most abhorrent of all their greasy creations is the Scone Dog. I’ve never eaten, ordered or even seen a Scone Dog, but I suspect they are scones with hot dogs as the meat. So much for explanation.

Grown-ups never understand anything for themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them. Antoine de Saint-Exupery (1900 – 1944), “The Little Prince”, 1943

So, it’s 1987 and I’m with the core group of partiers: Calvin, my cheerleader friend, her drill team friend, her football player boyfriend and me, nerd-girl. They’re drunk. Calvin’s high and I’m driving. It’s about 11:30 pm and we are at Sconecutter. Most importantly, they are all underage and if the guy behind the counter realizes they’re drunk, we’re all busted. The important thing is to be cool. “Be cool,” the football player tells me. Even though he’s drunk, you can’t tell because he is always cool.

I order and pay for myself. Little Miss Drill Team orders, Football Player orders and my friend orders and pays for all of them. It’s Calvin’s turn to order, “Scone Dog!” He pronounces it slowly and incredulously. He sounds like Sean Penn from Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Worse still, he keeps saying it. “Scone Dog!” Now, he’s pointing at the menu at the item, “Look, Dude, Scone Dog! I want a Scone Dog!” Football Player lowers Calvin’s pointing hand and takes him by the shoulder, whispering, “Cool it. Dude, you don’t want a Scone Dog. Man, just order whatever you want, but C-O-O-L I-T.” He draws out the last two words in a ferocious whisper.

Nothing gives one person so much advantage over another as to remain always cool and unruffled under all circumstances. Thomas Jefferson (1743 – 1826)

The girls are worthless and they are laughing each time Calvin says the word again. I step up to the counter, “My friend doesn’t want a Scone Dog.” The guy at the counter is instantly on my side, “No, I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone.” I flirt just enough to get the attention away from Calvin and Football Player arguing about whether a Scone Dog is palatable or not. “So, what do you think he should order?” The two of us can still hear Calvin in the background repeating the words “Scone Dog” over and over. The guy at the counter appropriates Calvin’s voice and accent, and saying, “How about a Sconenut?” He drew out the word “Sconenut” in the same way Calvin kept repeating “Scone Dog.” I laughed and nodded. “Maple or chocolate?” I order both.

Let’s Go Get SconedThis story was told many times by Miss Drill Team and my friend. Whenever we remember Calvin together, the Scone Dog story is brought up. I never heard Calvin say that he wanted to get high after that. He just wanted to get a “Scone Dog. “

Not long after that, Sconecutter started an advertising campaign with the tag line: Let’s Go Get Sconed! I don’t think that Calvin initiated that, but it was brilliant and they still use that slogan today. Additionally, I noticed that Scone Dog is no longer on their menu. What a shame. Now I’ll never know.


1 Comment »

  1. Hi Laura, Its me “Little Miss Drill Team” as I am referred to in this blog. With the talk of an upcoming 20th reunion, I find myself being a bit retrospective. I did a ‘google’ search on Sceverenia and your website came up. I haven’t had a chance to read through a lot of it yet. First of all, I wanted to say, I know that there was jealousy between you and I as a consequence of my friendship with Scev. I truly hope that I didn’t do anything to hurt your feelings. I was actually a very shy an insecure person who never really fit in in any group. I participated, quite uncomfortably, with the parties…always in fear of getting caught or hurt. I apologize now if I every hurt your feelings.

    Next, I noticed your entries about Calvin. I too was fortunate enough through the 11th & 12th grade to share some great timees with him. I also spent a wonderful summer in 1990 (a temporaty haitus from my new life in CA) getting to know him even better. I created a friendship with him that summer that was much closer than the “party” friendship we had in high school. Too close I feared at the time. I was on a “break” from the man (in CA) who eventually became my first husband. I purposefully distanced myself from Calvin as soon as I returned to CA, and regretted it, the moment I knew I had no chance of speaking to him again. When I received the call from Scev in 1992 that Calvin had died, a piece of me became incomplete. I later tried to visit his grave and found that it had been moved. I went to the new grave site and quietly reflected on a friendship lost, as well as the loss of a really wonderful human being. For all of his issues with alchol and pot, he had the kindest and most genuine heart of anyone I have had the opportunity to know. I have enjoyed reading your blog about him. As you said, no pictures, no voice recording, yet a very vivid memory of a great friend. Thank you for taking the time to share your memories of him.

    On a final note, have you kept in touch with Scev? I haven’t spoken to her since around the time of the 10 year reunion. Take care, Kim

    Comment by Kim — 3/19/2008 @ 6:25 pm

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