Last Sunday, when I was at the gym, Ocean’s Eleven was playing on the television in front of my treadmill. I haven’t seen that movie again since it came out, so I was glad to watch forty minutes of it while I ran. I listened to my new music and read the closed captioning for the movie. How’s that for sensory overload?

There is a scene where George Clooney is recruiting Matt Damon. He had been watching Matt pickpocket a man on the subway. George lifted the stolen wallet off Matt and left him a calling card that said a date, place and time written on one side and his name printed on the other. Just his name, like the kind of cards that we got in high school at graduation. I still have half a box of cards that say: “Laura Susan Lund” on them. They sit useless in a box with my tassel and diploma.

What were we supposed to do with those cards? They were small compact and only said our name. I can tell people my name. They won’t remember it, unless it’s important. If it’s not important, I don’t care if they forget my name and if it is important, they’ll remember. I ended up taping a card in each yearbook I signed that year. There is one taped in Michael’s yearbook. I still only used half a box. What was I supposed to do with the rest? Useless unless I want to recruit criminals and I don’t want them to know anything about me except my maiden name.

What I need are calling cards with all my essential information on them. It was all so easy when I was a realtor. I would just give friends one of my business cards. My cell phone was always on, so my friends could always find me with my business card. Now that I’m a secretary, I don’t need any business cards, but there are countless times that I’ve written my email address on slips of paper for people. What I need is a card that has all that info on it so I can give it to friends who want to read my blog or email me a cool link. Handwritten notes are so easy to misread. Preprinted cards with my name, address, phone number, email and blog URL would be so convenient.

I thought of this idea on Wednesday last week, so I dropped by Staples and bought some cool business cards that you can run through your printer. Sure, they’ll be perforated, but I’m only giving these cards to people in lieu of writing my info on their hands, so perforated edges aren’t really a concern for me. I’m not trying to impress anyone like I was when I was a realtor. I’m just trying to get information to them in a clean, concise way. Plus, they look all natural and handmade papery. It’s bogus and just printed on one side, but I’m ok with that. I’m not a real hippy, so it doesn’t need to be real, handmade paper.

All of this was started with a criminal that doesn’t exist putting a cryptic note in the pocket of another criminal that doesn’t exist. My calling cards will be used by my friends and acquaintances, yet the idea of having a calling card on hand just makes me feel a little more like a criminal on the edge. Wouldn’t it be funny if there was a pickpocket who always left his calling card complete with blog address? You could read about yourself the next day. It’s making me chuckle just thinking about it.