I think we were talking about bungee jumping. I don’t quite remember what started the conversation, actually. This weekend, Stacey, Dan, Mike and I drove down to Las Vegas and there was a lot of talking. I remember vividly what Mike said, “Someday in the future, people will pay money to be hit in the head with a hammer.” It was such a vivid idea that it has stuck in my mind since he said it last weekend.

He was trying to say that it was silly that people do such crazy things for a thrill. Oh, I remember. Stacey had been talking about the bobsled ride that she took with her friends up in Park City. It was a 5G curvy trip down the mountain that lasted only about a minute and a half. It’s the same trip that the Olympic Bobsled Team takes, but slower. It was sheer hell and she’ll never do it again. After describing this to us, Mike made his graphic comment about hammers. Somehow, I understand the concept of thrill. I tried to explain it to him.

When everything feels like the movies Yeah, you bleed just to know you’re alive.  – Goo Goo Dolls, Iris, 1998

Sometimes I feel so empty. I feel like I’m going through this life in a fog. I feel like I’m going through life with blinders on. Doing something thrilling is like taking off those blinders. For a brief second, it feels like I am awake and alive. Of course, I’m not much of a risk taker. I don’t bungee jump, ride motorcycles, or even ski. Going for the thrill proves that you’re alive only because it brings you so close to death. I understand the concept, I just don’t participate.

It’s like I’m walking around with a blindfold on.  It’s like if someone would just rip it off, I could see.  I could make some sense of my life.  – Diane Frolov and Andrew Schneider, Northern Exposure, Dinner at Seven-Thirty, 1994

Instead, I shock myself out of the fog with my imagination. I can step into a fantasy world and imagine a completely different world for myself. A five minute sojourn into fantasyland is enough to bring me back to reality with the true sense of being alive. That’s probably why I enjoy writing so much. It’s like I’m in another world while I’m writing, even if the other world was just last weekend when we were talking in the restaurant.