I like sneezing. It’s kind of like sex: there’s a buildup, a tremendous release and it’s usually messy afterward. You can tell a lot about a person by how they sneeze. I know a woman who has a real sneeze followed by a fake vocalized sneeze. It sounds like a real sneeze followed by a cartoon insect sneezing. It makes me wonder how she enjoys sex. Does she have a real orgasm and then fakes a noisy one for her partner?

An orgasm is just a reflex, like a sneeze.  – Dr. Ruth Westheimer

What about the guy who holds that sneeze in? Is he the kind of guy who holds in his enjoyment until his face turns red? Will he end up being one of those men who die in the heat of passion, holding everything in and having a coronary because of it? I feel sorry for him. I feel like handing him a tissue and telling him to let it all out.

The Autocrat of Russia possesses more power than any other man in the earth; but he cannot stop a sneeze.  – Mark Twain

Mike’s sneezes are loud and dangerous. I usually have plenty of warning that they are coming, so I have enough time to get out of the way. He doesn’t try to hold them in. He just rolls with it naturally and lets the moment happen. The cats jump off the couch when he sneezes. The neighbors can hear him sneeze.

I like to write when I feel spiteful; it’s like having a good sneeze.  – D. H. Lawrence

Me, I’ve been overanalyzing my sneezes. Since becoming acquainted with the fake sneezer, I am constantly trying to make my sneeze more natural. I try not to vocalize at all for fear of sounding fake. I try not to hold it in for fear of breaking a blood vessel in my brain. An overanalyzed sneeze is not as fun as the ones that just jump up and surprise me. And I love those hay fever sneezes that come twice in a row. Those are the best sneezes of all.