I feel like writing, but I have no idea what I want to write about. I feel guilty because I have been so guarded on my blog lately. I used to write about what I was thinking here and I miss that. I also used to spend far too much time trying to be a Writer (with a capital W), and I don’t miss that. When I read some of my older entries, it’s really obvious to me that I was trying to prove something. I was trying to prove that I was a writer. Now that I am, however, I feel like I have less to write about. Why is that?

What’s going on in my life?

If a close friend were to ask me that and I was being honest, I would say that I am coming out of a bad year. 2007 was really hard on me. I lost my grandfather, who very nearly raised me, so he was like a father to me. Ten years ago, when my grandmother died, I gained a ton of weight and was depressed for a year or two. This time, I’ve also gained a ton of weight. As much as I like to think that I’m better at this life thing, it still shocks me how quickly I fall into my old habits.

I also lost my cat, Linda. Mike and I adopted her the second year we were married. She was an energetic kitten back then. We almost lost her to feline infectious anemia in her seventh year, but she survived it, thanks to an attentive veterinarian. After sixteen years of life, I have no regrets in how we dealt with Linda. We tried to keep her comfortable for as long as we could. My only regret is that now Maggie is so lonely.

There were other negative things that happened to us in 2007, so I was glad to see the year go. I really decided that 2008 was going to be a better year. When brightly colored flowers didn’t pop out of the ground on January first, though, I realized that 2008 isn’t some magic time. I made it a milestone, but that didn’t make me feel instantly better.

I DO feel better, though. We’ve gone several months without a major illness in the family. We’ve traveled and seen friends in San Diego. It’s so nice to see them thriving. All in all, Mike and I live an incredibly lucky life and wallowing in the sadness last year didn’t really help the situation any.

I got an email from an old high school friend last night. It said, “I found your website. I hope you and Mike are doing well. I could not find the link to the class reunion pictures. Would you send me a link?” I cringed when I realized that he must have seen how lame my blog is right now. Sure, cute little videos are fun to watch, but honestly, I post them here so that I’ll remember them. When did my blog turn into one big “Note to Self?” Was it always that way and I just didn’t notice it?