I used to write more intimately here. I used to try to prove that I was a good writer by actually writing something that I worked hard on. I used to go over every post many times over to make sure they were perfect.
Now, this blog is more like a series of notes to myself and strange communications with others. I post videos that I like to watch so that I can come back here and watch them again. I post quick and important information about myself so that my friends will know what’s going on in my life right now. I post links to sites that I think I might find interesting and want to remember.
It’s like my blog became more for me and less about me. It has become a tool instead of a broadcast medium.
I don’t really know how I feel about that.
Part of me is sad because I like to write and I want to be profound. I want people to say that the things that I’ve written about have moved them. I get a lot of that at Starling Fitness, so I don’t feel like I need it as much here anymore, but I only write about health, fitness and body issues there. There is a lot more to life than body measurements and heart rate monitoring.
Part of me likes how Pick Me! has evolved. It is a very useful tool for me. It’s like my personal journal that I can instantly search. When I saw that the May 19th Entertainment Weekly listed Lykke Li’s “I’m Good, I’m Gone” video as a “Must See,” I felt vindicated because I had discovered this “Must See” a full month before Entertainment Weekly. I had proof that I was cool before cool was cool.
The biggest reason I don’t pour my heart out here as much as I used to is because my blog doesn’t feel as private as it did before. I always knew that the Internet was like going to the park and screaming the words from my diary out loud, but it didn’t hit home until I was laid off my job. I have a friend who hasn’t learned this lesson yet and it’s painful to watch her make my same mistakes all over.
What do I want?
I guess I want the impossible. I want to be anonymous again so I can write openly about my every thought. The fact of the matter is that NONE of us are anonymous. If you think you are anonymous, you are just deluding yourself. They can see exactly what IP your comments are coming from. They can take your words, run an analysis and see how closely they match everyone else’s. ALL anonymous blogs worth reading are eventually found out.
All I can do is write EXACTLY as much as I’m willing to share in the real world.
So, have you heard about the new cool video from the Ting Tings…
Did you know it wasn’t the original? Here’s the original.
Which do you like better?