I feel empty today. Kristen came home last Friday and she is almost as good as she was before the stroke. It’s amazing how quickly she has recovered and we are so grateful. The stress is over. The danger is past. We visited the hospital for the last time on Thursday. Everything has caught up to us.
Mike has been sleeping for hours and hours. All those days when he only got three or four hours’ sleep have caught up with him and he is sleeping a big sleep. Last Sunday he was like a bear. I woke him before we had to go visit family. After we visited family, he came home and went back into hibernation. Now that the danger is past, he can sleep.
I have been immersing myself into so many projects that I can’t keep up with all of them. I feel like I need to trim some things, but I’m reluctant to take the pinking shears to any of my life. I know that I have to simplify my life, but its all so good that I don’t know where to snip.
Do I cut out my weekly meditation class? I have such good friends there. I love the interaction that we have between meditations. That extra hour and a half is so nice to have on a Saturday morning. That’s the temptation. Go home and do chores. Stay for an extra half hour at the gym and sit in the hot tub. That might be more stress relief for me than the meditation class. How do I tell them that I have to leave?
Do I cut out choir? We are practicing for a special meeting in March that will include a bunch of songs that don’t really fill me with the spirit of goodness. There are the normal practices on Sundays and additional ones on Wednesdays with the choir director from the First Unitarian church downtown. Rumor has it that this other choir director isn’t as nurturing and kind as Jan, our choir director. If that’s the case, then I’m out of there. I find out tonight if this other guy is worth singing for. If he is a nice guy, then, I’ll stick around. It’s only until March.
Do I cut out Weight Watchers? Hell no. I need to learn how to eat healthy once and for all. I’m there for the long haul. However long it takes to get to goal weight and learn how to live this life as if it were my own, I’m there.
Do I cut out family activities? Hell no. I love to be with family on both Mike’s side and mine. Maybe I’ll take less responsibility with things, but I’m not cutting out my family.
Do I cut out my friends? Well, Mike and I don’t have much friend time. We try to keep contact. If any of our close friends come to town, we make sure we see them, but other than that, we keep things pretty casual. There isn’t much to cut there.
I feel like I’m spread so thin, but upon analysis, I don’t really have too much of a life outside of work and home: a class, choir practice, Weight Watchers, family and friends. When I list them like that, it sounds so hollow and empty. Maybe I’m feeling empty because I don’t have enough in my life instead of because I’m drained.