Everyone on the planet has had this happen. You’ve got a best buddy who suddenly goes MIA because there is a significant other that didn’t used to be there before. Guys do it to their friends. Girls do it to their friends. Everybody has had it done to them. It’s a universal incident, but when it happens, it’s hard to deal with.
It’s not just an age thing either. I remember it happening to me in junior high, high school, college and even now, in my adult life. I have one girlfriend who has been MIA for months because of a flooring expert. I must say that I’ve been able to deal with this smashingly this time because I finally understand it now.
Firstly, you have to realize it for what it is. You’re still her best friend. She still loves you just as much as she did before. Just because she doesn’t call you, doesn’t mean that she doesn’t like you. Just because she doesn’t instant message you every five minutes doesn’t mean that she has replaced you. I know it feels like you’ve been replaced, but there is no replacing a best friend, not even with a boyfriend.
Secondly, be patient. I can tell you right now that she’s going to flake on you. You’re going to set up something that you are really excited about and she’s going to blow you off to be with her new boyfriend. It’s going to happen and you are going to get hurt. The best way to handle it is tell her the truth. The truth is: your feelings are hurt, but you feel like you can’t say anything because you want her to be happy with this guy. She needs to know that your feelings are hurt, but don’t call her a flake. She’s not a flake, she’s in love. Being in love blinds your vision for a short amount of time.
Thirdly, watch your mouth. Understand that you are feeling jealous and watch your words when you talk about him. Jealousy can make you say things that you don’t really mean and maybe aren’t even true. Did she meet him after a drunken night in a seedy bar? That’s not your concern. Does he dress like a homeless guy? That’s not your concern. Does he talk about his mother so much that it seems like there is an unhealthy attachment? It’s still not your concern. It only becomes your concern if he is hitting or verbally abusing her. Then it’s your time to step in. If that hasn’t happened, be careful what you say about him. This guy could be “The One” and you might end up double dating with him for the rest of your adult life. Don’t let a jealous remark carelessly flung from your lips come between you and your friend.
Lastly, remember that she will return to you. If he is “The One” she will still need you to be her best friend. Things will be different for her, but these are the kinds of things that keep friendships interesting and flourishing. Instead of complaining to you about not having a date for Saturday night, she’ll be complaining about him not picking up his socks. That’s not so very different, is it? Don’t worry. You will have your friend back, even if he is “The One.”
If he’s not as wonderful as all that, she will run back to you with red eyes and angry words. This is not the time to be bitter. This is not the time to remind her of all the times she flaked on you when you needed her. This is also not the time to say that you saw it coming, even if you did. This is the time to be understanding and caring. No matter how hard it is to say that the minute you saw his beat up and rusted pickup, you knew that he would be nothing more than an out-of-work bum, you need to keep your mouth shut and be the good friend that she remembers. That’s what you are, after all. You’re her best friend.
In short, life changes. If something is bad, don’t worry, it will pass. If something is good, don’t worry, it will pass. No matter how much we would like it, nothing in this life stays the same. There is no escaping it.