Plaid Stallions asked us to tell our best schoolyard BS story.

• Plaid Stallions : Rambling and Reflections on 70’s pop culture: PS Contest: Schoolyard BS Rumours

My story seemed a little long and I needed to include pictures, so I’ve written it here:

Chris Buttars was the bully who bothered me in the fourth grade. He called me a “Jehobo-Witness” every day at school. Sure, I was a weird kid because I was a Jehovah Witness and my dad wouldn’t let me pledge allegiance to the flag or celebrate any holidays, but don’t you think that should have been punishment enough? I guess Chris didn’t think so and inflicted daily insults to the suffering I was already experiencing.

In fourth grade, Charlie’s Angels trading cards were popular. I don’t know why. It doesn’t seem to make sense to me and I don’t really believe this memory, but for a couple of months, the coolest thing were Charlie’s Angels trading cards. One day, I got this card in my Charlie’s Angels set:

At first glance, I thought the man on the right was Charlie. My mom pointed out to me that, no, it wasn’t Charlie. It was Bosley. I kept pointing to the words on the card. They said, “The best boss an angel ever had!” That MUST mean that the guy in the picture was Charlie, right? My mom finally convinced me that I didn’t have a rare Charlie’s Angels trading card that showed the elusive Charlie.

When Chris Buttars was looking through my trading cards to see if there were any he wanted to trade with me, he found the card that fooled me and flipped out. He made the same mistake I made, thinking that it was Charlie who was on the card, not Bosley. I played it cool and said that it was a really rare card and I’d never trade it. Suddenly, he was offering me his entire pack of Charlie’s Angels cards for it. I told him no. He started handing me his Pittsburgh Steelers pencil (unsharpened) in addition to the pack of his cards. I told him no. He started offering me money, but I stopped him.

All I wanted was two of his cards (his best, but that was more than I could bear to take without guilt) AND he had to stop calling me a Jehobo-Witness. He agreed, the trade was made and he went around the classroom showing off his “rare” Charlie card.

Everyone believed him. No one noticed that it was Bosley. And Chris Buttars only called me a Jehobo-Witness one more time after that, but I threatened to take back the rare Charlie card. He never teased me again.

Charlie’s Angel’s Trading Card via: Bubble Gum Cards: Charlie’s Angels

For more Charlie’s Angels memories, read this:

• Pick Me! » Charlie’s Angels Dolls