From the Get Up and Move DDR Forum Topic: Jealousy, Both Positive and Negative

Author: iamjay 09/20/2004 at 16:35:43

This girl I met from midnightmadness in my town about a month ago the night ended with us two together on the couch her in my arms. the nxt time she came over she was surrounding my friend like crazy she stayed with him the whole night so i said @$!^ it and went to bed early. I was dissapointed and jealous. I found out afterwards by her that it didn’t mean anything since she was drunk and all that (yeah rite) we hung out a few more times afterwards and she would hang off my arm, but when my friends were around she would talk to them and all that. Last sat. I tried to my arms around her and she didn’t want to come over cause there wasn’t enough room or something (it could of been tru we were at the park in a lil area with me my friend (that she cuddled with last month) and her friend. After that happened I got mad and said $crew this i’m hitting on her friend. 20min later I took her to the rocks and I was really attached to her, then I invited her to the house and we cuddled some more then we got on the floor and made out and stuff and went to bed. I think that really made her jealous since she was trying to rest her arm on me the nxt morning and I sorta just shifted away. we hung out the whole day and all she did was walk with my friend and on the car ride back I tried to get sleep and she was trying to put her head on me again but it never happened.

now the question is, why the heck are we playing these games. What should I do, I dont like her friend I just wanted to get back at her. And I know she doesnt like my friend she just wants to get back at me. HELP ME lol

Author: abrannan 09/21/2004 at 06:59:48

I’m gonna go out on a limb and say talk to her. I mean really talk to her. Explain how you feel, what you’re thinking. Phrase everything in terms of yourself. (i.e. I feel jealous and disappointed when… Instead of, you made me angry when you did this…) Then listen to what she has to say. And I mean really listen, don’t interrupt, don’t start planning your retort, just take in what she has to say and try to see things from her perspective. Relationships CANNOT survive unless you both are willing to communicate openly and honestly with each other. I speak from experience on this one.

Author: Laura Moncur 09/21/2004 at 13:45:28

Good advice, abrannan.

The only thing I would add to it is: make sure the two of you are alone when you talk to her. If you try to do the serious, heart-felt talk in front of her and your friends, it’s going to get weird.

You don’t want to look like a whipped boy in front of your friends. She doesn’t want to look like a dominated girl in front of hers. Plus, everyone will want to put their two cents in because (as you can see) we all have our opinions.

By the way, the whole “I was drunk, so it doesn’t matter” thing is just a cop out. When people are drunk, they let themselves do the things that they wouldn’t normally allow themselves to do. Sometimes, that means that they talk to the person that they’ve had a crush on forever. Sometimes, they hit on every person in their path. Don’t allow it as an excuse with other people in your life and don’t use it as one.

Sometimes I think I frequent these forums just so I can lecture people anonymously. I guess I don’t have the balls to lecture people in person.

I remember the day my cheerleader friend explained it to me. “You know, when you’re drunk and you try to set your head down on your hand and you miss,” she demonstrated the move for me, “it doesn’t matter because you’re drunk. Everybody laughs and you don’t feel embarrassed.” She, of course, was drunk and trying to explain the intricacies of the theory, “I was drunk, so it doesn’t matter.” I said to her, “When I try to set my head down on my hand and I miss, it doesn’t matter because I’m clumsy. Everybody laughs and I never feel embarrassed.” She shook her head and dismissed me as her silly nerdy friend. If only I were cooler, I would understand.

I was going to tell a couple “I was drunk, so it doesn’t matter” stories, but I don’t have the stomach for it. I have so many that I would fill the page with them. I think I was twenty years old when I refused to allow “I was drunk, so it doesn’t matter” as a valid excuse. Almost all of my stories come from those early years and there are so many that I would bore you with them. I may have already bored you with the subject.

I’ve seen “I was drunk, so it doesn’t matter” so many times in my life that I have no patience for it anymore. My tolerance is so low that I have specifically chosen my friends because they never fall back on alcohol to do the things that they really want to do. I gravitate toward people who do what they want when they want all the time. They say what they want to say. They do what they want to do. They don’t even understand people who don’t live their lives this way

I wonder about those people. Those ones that can’t say “I love you” without a beer in their gut. Those ones that can’t go up to a woman in a bar without liquid courage. Those ones that desire the affections of many, but only allow themselves to pursue many when they are under the influence. If you love them, tell them. If you want them, go talk to them. If you want them all, get them all. Don’t put your life on hold until you can no longer control yourself. Lose control right now, sans alcohol. There are no rules to this game. Just pick yourself up and do what you are afraid to do. If you fail, you can always blame it on your clumsiness. It’s as good an excuse as drunkenness.