Last Friday, I had a dream about Disney. All the old Disneyland rides of yesteryear were on a tour. It was like a traveling carnival. They had a Candyland ride that I remembered vividly in my dream, but now just seems foreign to me. They had Mission to Mars. I remember thinking that Disney was genius to do this because the rides in Disneyland were useless, but moving around the country in a carnival to small towns, they were incredibly valuable.

Unfortunately, they were horribly executed. The employees didn’t have “Disney faces” at all. They didn’t run the rides professionally. I decided to go on Mission to Mars again because I thought maybe they would be more professional the second time, but they weren’t. Instead, I was stuck on the ride while two of the employees were flirting and laughing with each other. I was stuck for forty-five minutes until I finally said, “I want out of here!” The whole thing felt like a huge disappointment to me and I just wanted to go home. Stacey had been talking to a vendor whose boyfriend (who worked on Mission to Mars) had dumped her. I just wanted to leave.

I think if Disney kept their old rides and put them on a carnival tour they could probably squeeze out a few more dollars from them, but I don’t think it’s a good idea. I’ve never said this before, but sometimes it’s good that they go. Sometimes the rides are dated and no longer of interest except for nostalgia. Sometimes they are so dated that the jokes don’t make sense anymore.

For example, think about Mission to Mars. No one wants to see that ride again (ok, that’s a lie, nostalgia plays big with some people, but stay with me here). The animatronics would look silly. The joke about the albatross flopping into the radar, setting off alarms makes no sense in a post-Cold War world. It was a ride that needed to go, just like Adventure Through Inner Space.

I loved Adventure Through Inner Space, but it was an artifact. Back in the early sixties, we thought science was going to cure all our ills. That ride really exemplified that concept. Now, that idea is true, mostly, but we don’t think it’s that neat anymore. Sure, science cures diseases and makes our life easier, but more and more, we are learning that some things in their natural state are far better than the chemically altered versions. Like food, we thought that food would be perfected by science to make us healthy, but it didn’t turn out that way. Big companies have been chemically altering food to taste really good, but it’s not healthier for us. The ride was slightly educational, but it’s more about a commercial for Monsanto. It had to go.

It’s the same for The House of the Future. Who knew that houses would look about the same as they did back then? Sure, we have better insulation and better electrical wiring, but nothing beats the rambler/cottage style house. Not even a plastic house on stilts.

I have been spending so much time lamenting Yesterland because those old rides remind me of when I was a ten year old girl, going to Disneyland for the first time, but they really don’t make sense anymore. I’m glad that Disney keeps updating Disneyland. I would gladly sacrifice both Rocket Rods and the People Movers for the Buzz Light Year ride. Sometimes, what they replace it with is not as good as what used to be there, but they figure it out pretty quickly. Why they haven’t realized how lame Innoventions is, I have no clue.